Friday night featured the Cub Scouts Blue & Gold dinner, which Is not my best occasion. Melanoma Man has been a Den Leader for four years now, so it is a command performance for him. In years past I have driven separately so I can escape early, the stimuli of that many little boys, their siblings & parents all in one room being just too much.
This year was different. Sometime mid-week my spirit went underwater. Submerged everything is muffled and I can tolerate the intolerable. I planned to take pictures this week, thought it might get me back to myself. But it didn't happen. Taking pictures makes me think of "lasts."
Monday night featured the Boy Scouts Court of Honor, somewhat more subdued than the Blue & Gold. Oldest son achieved Star Scout. A week prior MM woke me at midnight crying, sobbing thinking he had forgotten some crucial detail related to oldest son's Star Scout achievement. "I've let him down. He will be so disappointed."
In the dinner line at the Court of Honor my eye gets twitchy, a warning of tears on the way. I reroute my train of thought to the present and the storm of tears is averted.
Tonight I sit with oldest son at the pediatrician's office, looking at my shoes, wishing for a new pair of this discontinued model. I think of the children's movie "Meet the Robinsons." Keep moving forward, keep moving forward.