Legos have taken over, I want a place of my own

I suspect there are other working moms like me who come home to backpacks and jackets lying in the hallway, living room overtaken by legos, kitchen island covered in books, apples, legos, mail, a pair of boy scout pants that has needed hemming since the beginning of time. I say "working moms" because in my imagination the stay at home moms have got it all under control and would never let this happen in their house. Some days it feels like it's the final straw. Yes I think, it must be time for me to move out and get a place of my own. Somewhere along the way I got lost in the creation of this family.

I surrendered the Mom job to Melanoma Man years ago. Honestly I think I'm better at it too. Although to give him his credit he's done beautifully in the Dad role. In the evenings and on the weekends I take the Mom job back, bit by bit, trying to instill a bit of my way of doing things into the people in this house. I am usually only temporarily successful, with things returning to the usual state of affairs by the time I walk back in the door the following day.

I remember my Mom alerting us when my Dad left the office. It was a 25 mile commute for him, so that gave us time to pull things together. No toys, books, coats, debris in the living room, dining room, or kitchen. Everything put away or in your room by the time Dad got home. Now I really get it, as I trip over oodles of other people's belongings on my way into this house.

I think somehow that books will help me accomplish my goals, so I'm working my way through these two books:

1  Cleaning House: A Mom's Twelve Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement  and
2  The Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week .

I'll report back on my progress. I'm still recovering from spring break when I worked while Melanoma Man, imac, and Butter stayed home and trashed the house. Now that Melanoma Man is in a relatively stable period and I'm no longer in crisis management mode, all the things I always wanted in this marriage and this family have bubbled up to the top. It is clear that it ain't gonna happen and I was a fool to think it ever would. Each truth is revealed in it's own time. This truth revealed either too early or too late.

Evening Snippets

Tonight home from work, a letter waits for me on the kitchen island. Return address Seattle. Oh! it must be from Aunt Glor. I love, love, love Aunt Glor. She makes me laugh, she believes in me. But the letter is not from her, but from cousin Leslie. Aunt Glor died on February 22, 2013. She shared a birthday with my Dad. This dying business has got to stop. Enough already.

Later this evening in our room folding laundry. Melanoma Man, a bit discouraged by the cascade of medical bills raining down upon us: " I can't remember what I came in here for, but I saw the laundry, felt guilty for doing nothing and my wife doing everything, and I started folding."

Me: "you are doing the most important thing of all, spending time with your sons, talking about baseball , legos, books, whatever they want to talk about."

Melanoma Man: "Yeah, but that's just being a Dad."

Me: "Oh, so did your Dad do that with you?

Melanoma Man: "No."

Laundry Thief: "My point exactly and that's why I love you."

Melanoma Man: "love you too, don't ever forget it."