Saturday, August 2, 2014

the River

The river sweeps me along. It no longer matters if what stirred up the current is real or imagined. What matters most is the strength of the current and that it is taking me with it swiftly away from where I belong until I remember to stand up and say STOP. I stand up and look around, having said STOP, and I see that the sky is clear, the grass green, no wind or clouds for that matter. I saw a sign on Pinterest recently that said simply this: " Don't feed the fears." Not feeding the fears is hard. It is resistance. It is the opposite of what comes naturally to me. I read a recent post by Patient #1. His melanoma tumors continue to shrink, Yay! But there is a new tumor on his adrenal gland. Suddenly I am off balance. I have never met Patient # 1, yet his story represents possibility, and hope and living out each day we are here.  It is several days before I realize the current has got me and I am heading downstream fast. The fears having been snacking secretly. One of the reasons I can never go back to read what I have blogged about is the fears. I suspect they are waiting for me inside of recorded raw memories. I can barely stand to look back. I am in disbelief and delight that Melanoma Man is enjoying the best health he has been in within the last two years. There are glimpses and peeks of where we started and where we are today.

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