Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The night before Moffitt and all through the house...

Waiting in the upstairs hallway of our church parish last night, the very same hallway I waited in last October. This night is relatively peaceful, waiting for imac, the BoyScout. In October I waited for imac, the flutist. October's hall waiting was interrupted by Melanoma Man's phone call with the official confirmation by the oncologic surgeon that MM's lungs contained multiple tumors. I knew multiple meant "too many to count." He was upbeat during the call, as usual. It is both maddening and endearing how upbeat he is. Maddening because I carry the burdens of reality. Endearing because it allows him to relish all the little moments with me and the boys.

At work today I am thinking. Now he is in MRI, now CT scan, now Clinical Research Unit. Not thinking of much else, except for things like: my friend Sara is picking imac up from school, now she is picking up Butter. She sends a text to let me know the boys are at her house playing ping pong. Another text from Melanoma Man: "scans done, hotel."

Four thirty, finally time to go home. Not that work has been particularly hard today. Just that Moffitt days break up the bits of normal and remind us all of cancer. These past three weeks MM has really seemed almost himself again, like a guy who only has Alpha 1 Anti-Trypsin Deficiency and 28 % lung function. This is positively relaxing for me compared to being married to the guy with Alpha 1 Anti-Trypsin Deficiency and Metastatic Melanoma.

I did have the best pedicure I've ever had in my whole life on Saturday. And no one called me while I was out. Not one kid, called from the Kidphone to say: "Mom, I'm bored. Mom, when are you coming home. Mom he's looking at me. Mom, Dad is mean." It was truly a gift. I'm pretty certain God was involved. He was reminding me how lucky I really am. He was reminding me that it was my 25th sobriety anniversary and that without that I'd have none of these characters in my life.

Tomorrow more news. We'll get CT scan results of abdomen, chest, and pelvis. We'll get MRI results of brain.We'll find out if we just bought 8 more good weeks until the next set of scans. At work, I'll try to remember that I am at work and I'll try to remember to work, while I wait for my text of test results from Melanoma Man.

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