Thursday, November 20, 2014

Where to begin?

Some days I wake up not knowing where to begin. On these days I am thankful for laundry, ironing, making lunches, needing to grocery shop, and going to work. The tasks of daily life get me up and out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other over and over again.

I stayed home on Wednesday with Butter who had sore throat and fever. I tried to keep myself busy, waiting for a text or a call from Melanoma Man. Then I tried to take a nap around 1 pm, knowing that he would see Dr. Etame at 1:15 pm. I aborted my unsuccessful attempt to nap at 1:30. An email came around 2:30. His phone battery was out of juice. "Two new brain lesions, coming back to Tampa Saturday and next Wednesday. Still waiting to see oncologist and get CT scan results."

The next few days I muddled through. Each morning waking up and thinking something bad has happened, wondering for 30 seconds what that bad thing was. Brain Tumors, that's right, I say to myself in my head.

MM got home around 9 pm Wednesday and asked , "Did you tell the boys?" No, I hadn't wanted to give them partial information with no indication of the plan. MM reports no interval growth in the tumors below the neck. He hands me the brain MRI report and I see that there are 3, not 2  new brain tumors. He draws me a picture of a line with an arrow and  box on it. He said "the box is the gray zone. We are in the gray zone because I've been on these medications for 24 weeks. The meds might still be working." In my mind there is no gray zone about brain tumors and there is no doubt that the drugs have stopped working in the brain, but I do not share my thoughts on this.

Thursday morning 5:15, drinking coffee in our living room. MM realizes he would not be able to go to the Outdoor Leadership Boyscout training weekend. He pickes up his phone and dials fellow Scout Dad, Charles. I am thinking 5:15, really? Charles is the Command Master Chief at our local Navy base. MM reasons that he is sure Charles is up. He explains that he won't be able to go, but he is still grocery shopping for the camp out and will drop the food off at Charle's house later Thursday evening. I hear these words come out of MM's mouth," It's not clear how serious this all is."  Charles is also a medic and is certainly not fooled by MM's non-chalance.  

Saturday I had a day to myself with MM back in Tampa and the boys camping with scouts.. I walked on the beach at 7, met a friend at Panera for breakfast, got my haircut at 11, coffee with another friend at 1:30.

Sunday Charles calls and invites us for Thanksgiving. At first MM is inclined to say no, but then says yes, we do accept the invitation.  I am relieved. I am working all day Wednesday and MM will be in Tampa again Wednesday meeting his new radiation oncologist.

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