Better

We are having a quiet Memorial Day weekend! The steroids are working for Melanoma Man. No more fever, no more chills. He restarted the Dabrafenib and the Mekinist Friday. There is the alternating speeding up and slowing down which is almost constant. I have watched MM increase his volunteering commitments over the past four weeks, while simultaneously he loses ground on groceries and cooking, depleting himself entirely on the science project, the scout merit badge assistance, the planning of things at church and scouts. There is no ego boost in groceries or cooking, no implication that you were worthwhile on this earth. It feels as if the race is on again, the race with death. As if to say " I am too busy now death. My work is not done here. Move along."  There is the metallic taste and the hoarseness of the voice. He tries to act casual when he asks if these are side effects of the steroids. The answer is No, they are not. There is the 15 pound weight gain, which he tries to ascribe to over indulging, which he is not. It's all in one place, all in the abdomen. Then of course there that tricky combination of my imagination and my medical intuition, always at war with each other. All this I must set aside. Next month's visit to Moffitt won't likely explain any of it, as Melanoma Man will not disclose these symptoms to his physicians. He is scheduled only for labs and physical exam in June. June will mark one year since the first brain tumors appeared. July's visit to Moffitt will include the works, CT scans of chest/abdomen/pelvis, MRI of brain, evaluation by Neurosurgeon and Radiation oncologist. So I carry on. I am grateful for work and the busyness it brings and grateful even for the mindless chore of laundry. Here is a glimpse of what I do for therapy. I make things. I keep creating, trying to  balance the losses: Cards for Spring and Summer