Saturday, March 1, 2014


It's March and my brain is fogged up with tree pollen. Friday night we attended imac's karate belt test. He is a green belt now. I only see him do karate at belt testing time because his twice weekly class at the Y occurs immediately after school lets out, not a time when I am around. So the progress is always remarkable to me, reflecting a year of twice weekly practice. It is nice to see how proud he is. Chatting with other parents just before the seven students begin the test, we remember that imac  and another student have been doing karate together since first grade. One parent mentions that they will have their learners permits in a year. Melanoma Man looks at me, "a year, is that true?" Yes it is, just a little over a year. imac turns 14 in June. He can get his learner's permit on his 15th birthday.

This afternoon Melanoma Man and I grocery shopped while imac and butter hung out with friends. He is feeling good today. He said "I'm following you," instead of his usual grocery stance of "You follow me. You are a haphazard grocery shopper." My mind just works differently. Today that is ok with him.

It is a peaceful time right now on the outside of this family's life. On the inside I am nothing short of devastated, by the storm that has blown through our lives since melanoma's return to our everyday in August 2012. The sun is shining. The sky is clear and blue. The breeze is light. The wreckage of the storm lays on the ground all around us and I'm not sure which piece to pick up first. I know another storm will come. The idea of just walking out the door and never looking back is more appealing than picking up anything, than preparing for another storm.

We never heard back from Maria, the oncology Nurse Practitioner, about the final reading of the last incomplete brain MRI report. Melanoma Man will travel to Tampa this week to see The Weber, again in 3 weeks to see Dr. Rau and Dr. Etame and have yet another MRI of his brain.

We talked about spring break. I don't have any time off. Other nurses had already mapped out their leave for the whole school year to match up with the school calendar, but I am too new to have any leverage. So I can't go anywhere. Melanoma Man mentioned taking the boys to Orlando. I asked him to please NOT tell them until we are sure he is up to it, like a day or two before hand. He agreed and then did what he always does. I came home from work a week ago and the boys were ecstatic to tell me they are going to Orlando with their Dad on spring break.

This week I'll try to recruit reinforcements, call Uncle Wayne, see if he is up to Universal and Aquatica. Fingers crossed.

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