Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Being a Witness

Monday morning it was hard to leave the house. Melanoma Man, Butter, and iMac returned from the Boyscout trip to Richmond Sunday midday. MM was happy, but depleted, a hint of a developing cough. Monday morning gray with a Pulse Ox of 85 on awakening, and still 85 still an hour later. his pulse Ox usually climbs back up to 90 or 91 after he has been upright for a while, but not on this day. Coughing , nausea, and all the strange whistles, creaks and wheezes. I checked to be sure he had a full course of Zithromax at home. I knew he wouldn't start it on my say so. I knew he wouldn't tolerate my staying home to take care of him either. " Send Dr. Cury an email to see if you should start the Zithromax. And Dr. Weber too while you are at it, just in case this is the beginning of a drug reaction like last time." By one o'clock Dr. Cury came through with the answer I wanted, "Start the Zthromax." MM recalled the ambulance ride and hospitalization of last November and didn't want to repeat it. Mid morning an email arrives in my inbox. It is from MM. He is worried that drugs aren't working anymore, that his lungs might be full of tumors again. 

MM let the boys take the bus to and from school. I had already grocery shopped and done a little cooking Sunday. Just a week before I had brought MM to tears by making a menu plan. "You're doing it again. You're taking all my jobs," he said. Well yes I was, but not with the intent of being hurtful. On our previous trip to Publix together, MM, breathless from walking the distance from the parking lot to the grocery carts said "I think I'll sit this one out." He waited for me on the bench at the front of the store while I shopped.

I know when he gets to Moffitt today they will offer him a wheelchair when they see how breathless he is. More than likely he will decline. I offered to accompany him, being careful not to say that I could "take" him to Moffitt. No, he will go it alone. There will be news, good or bad. He will hear it alone.

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