Friday morning I stopped at Panera to pick up a spinach, bacon soufflé and cappuccino for MM's birthday breakfast in the hospital. He asked how my night was. I told the truth, which is that I cried for an hour and then slept straight through until morning.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Thursday night in the hospital MM was well enough for me to have the conversation about how crazy it was for me to acquiesce to his fierce independence in driving himself to Tampa Wednesday. The docs had already explained the risks to him, of having an MI secondary to the PE, of losing consciousness while driving, of dying, wrecking etc. But only I could explain scary eyebrows to him. "Scary eyebrows" is how I know his oxygen debt is severe. His facial expression changes. He looks afraid. His face says something different from his words and mostly it is expressed in his eyebrows. I explained to him that when I suggest that he needs to contact his physician, or that I need to drive him somewhere it is not merely generalized anxiety that drives my suggestions. It is scary eyebrows and scary eyebrows are serious. I said what I had to say knowing all the while that I would not be heard. I said it anyway.