I was on Allergy shot duty at work, so handed over my crown to Tracy, in order to call MM back. He started with the usual disclaimers and then said "I am getting admitted, pulmonary emboli." So in a way MM was right yesterday or whatever day that was when he said he was worried that his lungs were filling up, just not with tumors, but blood clots instead. Pulmonary emboli would be the most obvious option in a differential diagnosis for sudden onset of shortness of breath and oxygen desaturation. Yet it hadn't occurred to me. Perhaps because I am so tired or just can't even think about more complications. Perhaps because of past Emergency Room visits during which one or another ER doc did a work up for pulmonary emboli, and each time it was not that. Left work early, home to talk to and feed boys, I awaited the arrival of nurse friend Sara G. The boys took the news of the hospitalization and my trip to Tampa pretty well. Butter requested a guarantee of medical success in dealing with the clots. I didn't have one, but I do have a lot of confidence in Moffitt, so I used that angle.
I stayed at the cancer hotel last night. Today just hanging out in MM's hospital room. There have been walking tests, more of a breathing test than a walking one, an echocardiogram, Doppler of his calves. The respiratory therapist was nice. I just wish she hadn't told the story about her one other Alphal 1 Anti-trypsin deficiency patient. The story about the mother with the late diagnosis after she had deteriorated to the point of being on a ventilator. Yes she got a lung transplant, which was a decent ending to the story. MM will not be a candidate for that ever, due to his age and his concurrent cancer diagnosis. It was the part about the woman's three daughters that got me. All three tested positive for the alpha 1 anti-trypsin deficiency. Thanks for that. Melanoma. Man and I just stared at her speechless. I myself say stupid things all the time so I try to let it go. When you or someone you are close to has something rare and horrible people love to share their encounters with your rare horrible disease. They can't help it. They are trying to create a bridge, but sometimes it feels like a cliff they just pushed you off of. Hey people, time to take that bridge back to the drawing board. It's not working for me.
It looks like we will get to go home tomorrow, MM's birthday. I will make the chocolate cake with caramel frosting and toasted pecans, his favorite.